if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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