yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
