I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
