What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
