At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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