My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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