Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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