I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
