I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
