I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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