you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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