next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
