I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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