He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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