Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
