Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
