Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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