You're so nebulous sometimes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
