R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
