an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
