I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
