can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize