Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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