I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
