Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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