The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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