physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
