Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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