I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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