I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
