You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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