Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
