who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
