you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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