he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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