apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I touched a dick in church today
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
