I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
