DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
