I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
