just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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