The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
3pm strippers are depressing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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