I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
