At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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