Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
