i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
