how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bring money and cleavage
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
