im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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