well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
