Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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