I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
