Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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