i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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