I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I AM VODKA MAN
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
