Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
