id be glad to
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
