I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
