Just took my morning after pill in the library
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
