Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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