My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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