from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
