i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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