i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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