He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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