this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
