my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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