I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
