my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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