New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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