We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
two words...techno handjob
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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