Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
